Jason as I read ur incredible insight I wonder and hope that others were and continue to be able to do this for you. Ur courage and sharing your traumatic experiences in a meaningful and powerful way is beautiful. Thank u. And u don’t have to do this alone either. Lots of love and light coming ur way through the universe. 💚
I applaud, appreciate and admire your courage to share this!
I am so sorry for your pain and the journey you must travel.
No doubt your courage has helped many.
It’s reading stories like this, that are honest and raw, that are filling my own courage cup to share hour ones of my own. So I thank you for that too. Much love and peace to you.
I’ve published four things about my journey…. And deleted them
All within hours…..
Today I wrote a poem about how missing my children breaks me….
Every single day.
I keep attempting to post it. But it’s SO raw…
It’s still in notes.
I’ve come back and read your post numerous times to try and make me post it…. And now, here you are… actually replying to me. Telling me even more of your journey….
And I feel like maybe, just maybe, I can share this painful poem with the kind people here.
I read it to my better half this evening and he said “it’s really good ……but it’s sad”
And I said……” well what do you expect?? I can’t exactly write a happy poem about losing four children”
He meant well. My biggest supporter. Strongest pillar.
But yes, everything I write about my darling children, is sad. Because even if it’s happy memories, at the end of it all, they are no longer with me! I’ll never get them back and the only respite I get is by sharing how I feel.
So thank you. THANK YOU.
I’m going to publish it in a second. Please read it. Tell me your thoughts.
Our stories are different but we carry a similar weighted grief.
I read your musings and I resonate. And again, I send peace to your wife and daughter. And to you. You are sharing a private journey and helping so many.
What strength and resilience you have Jason, reading this and about the recognition honor for your first wife had me in tears. Admire your raw honesty and the gift you are giving to men who grieve. We need you here…and we are all here for you, sweet man. ☺️🫶
Now, nearly 19 years since my son's girlfriend died instantly and in collusion with a van/man (perhaps texting my son) it's 19 minutes, 19 days and 19 no time at all years ago.
A magnificent first/one of many helpful, brave essays (in the sense of 'essayer') @Jason - commanding huge respect. All love. CC
My heart breaks for you, the grief you have gone through is more than anyone should have to endure... losing her mum to suicide, then knowing Chloe was not okay and not being able to help her. Then having to wrestle other people's judgement alongside the guilt you must have felt as a parent and a human is devestating.
In counselling we call this disenfranchised grief. It's the grief people feel when they can't openly express how they feel and get the support other people get due to the circumstances.
My best friend was killed by a train when we were celebrating my nineteenth birthday. We had all had a few drinks and had taken some acid. It was the beginning of the night and we weren't really very effected but she climbed onto the train tracks - she often took risks. She had a tendency to self harm. On the surface she seemed happy but deep down she wasn't. I think she didn't really value her life. It was difficult to let go of the grief because of the shame. It's taken decades to work through those feelings. Sending healing to you. Life is hard and unhealed trauma can cause people to make wreckless decisions in the moment that have far reaching consequences. 💜
One of the reasons I write is because it creates an opportunity for wonderful people like you to share stories with me (and others) that I wouldn't have ever heard otherwise.
That must have been such a horrific experience for everyone involved.
Would it be too much to ask what causes such a deep sense of shame for you?
It began with a lack of attunement from my mother through her own trauma, it was compounded by childhood SA and my mother choosing to remain in a relationship with the perpetrator, it was further compounded by a diagnosis of ADHD. You might like to follow me, I write about this stuff through the lens of being a therapist now. 😊
My goodness… what a powerful and heartbreaking read. Thank you for your bravery in sharing these painful truths about your daughter. I’m so sorry for all you have endured—and continue to endure. The weight of that burden must be immeasurable. My deepest sympathy is with everyone affected, including your daughter… She still matters 🤍
Thank you for having the courage to say “Chloe’s actions were her responsibility”. There is a whole world of people out there who cannot bring themselves to acknowledge that we all are responsible for our choices, good and bad. I am amazed how you and your other daughter have come through this all and wish you the best on the way forward.
Thank you friend. I've really wrestled with the difference between blame and responsibility. It's something I plan to write about in the very near future. ♥️♥️
Thank you for sharing this very sad story. I appreciated your desire to remind others why every choice matters, and to simply tell this story. I can only imagine how hard this would be. It brings up two memories for me. A friend of mine lost her sister in a tragic accident when someone passing another car hit their car. What was also so tough was that I knew the young man driving the car that passed in a dangerous place and caused the accident. He wasn't drinking or anything. He simply made a poor judgement call, and someone lost her life as a result. I know this has impacted the lives of all who survived, and it's tragic.
Then in college, one of my closest friends, Patrick J Maloney was driving a friend's car back from Washington to Oregon. A drunk driver flew across the freeway median and hit him, taking his life. I don't remember if the drunk driver died, but I don't think they did. Patrick was studying medicine. He had such a beautiful heart and he had a bright future. He loved serving others and he would have been an incredibly compassionate doctor. Losing him was one of the most painful losses in my life. When I meet people who talk about driving drunk or under the influence, I want them to know that they could kill someone if they haven't already. But I appreciate your point that your daughter wasn't coping with the death of her mom, and I feel compassion for you and for her. I am sorry for your losses, and recognize that perhaps someone reading your story will make a better choice. Grateful that you're willing to share this story in the hope that someone will live a better story.
Thank you. Thank you for taking the horror of this life circumstance, and choosing to use it to make a difference. So much courage, but also I know it’s helpful and such an honor to your daughters life. Much peace to you.
I don’t know what to say. It must so hard, I’m sending love your way ❤️
Thank you so very deeply for sharing this
You’re welcome friend
Jason as I read ur incredible insight I wonder and hope that others were and continue to be able to do this for you. Ur courage and sharing your traumatic experiences in a meaningful and powerful way is beautiful. Thank u. And u don’t have to do this alone either. Lots of love and light coming ur way through the universe. 💚
I applaud, appreciate and admire your courage to share this!
I am so sorry for your pain and the journey you must travel.
No doubt your courage has helped many.
It’s reading stories like this, that are honest and raw, that are filling my own courage cup to share hour ones of my own. So I thank you for that too. Much love and peace to you.
That makes me happy. The first time I ever shared something it went like this...
I wrote it.
I edited it.
I hovered over the Publish button.
I chickened out.
I edited it again.
I hovered over the Publish button again.
I decided that instead of publishing it, I should organize my sock drawer like Marie Kondo.
(I still do that to this day)
I told myself I was being ridiculous.
I hovered over the Publish button again.
I wondered when my mouse clicking finger developed such a recalcitrant attitude.
3 hours later, with sweat on my upper lip, I hit the cursed button.
And no one read it or commented.
So I thought I better write something less crappy so someone would read it.
And you know what? The next one was a little easier.
You can do it friend. And I think the world will be better for it ♥️♥️
Thank you for sharing this!!!
Do you know why??
I’ve published four things about my journey…. And deleted them
All within hours…..
Today I wrote a poem about how missing my children breaks me….
Every single day.
I keep attempting to post it. But it’s SO raw…
It’s still in notes.
I’ve come back and read your post numerous times to try and make me post it…. And now, here you are… actually replying to me. Telling me even more of your journey….
And I feel like maybe, just maybe, I can share this painful poem with the kind people here.
I read it to my better half this evening and he said “it’s really good ……but it’s sad”
And I said……” well what do you expect?? I can’t exactly write a happy poem about losing four children”
He meant well. My biggest supporter. Strongest pillar.
But yes, everything I write about my darling children, is sad. Because even if it’s happy memories, at the end of it all, they are no longer with me! I’ll never get them back and the only respite I get is by sharing how I feel.
So thank you. THANK YOU.
I’m going to publish it in a second. Please read it. Tell me your thoughts.
Our stories are different but we carry a similar weighted grief.
I read your musings and I resonate. And again, I send peace to your wife and daughter. And to you. You are sharing a private journey and helping so many.
I am certainly not the only thankful one. 💕
I will read it my friend and I'm very, very proud of you. ♥️
I did it…. I’m freaking out…. Thank you for the push… I think……
do NOT let me delete it!! Please! My children deserve to be heard!
Well I shared it and I bet you're about to get a whole lotta love friend ♥️♥️
What strength and resilience you have Jason, reading this and about the recognition honor for your first wife had me in tears. Admire your raw honesty and the gift you are giving to men who grieve. We need you here…and we are all here for you, sweet man. ☺️🫶
Thank you so Joan. I think my eyes might be sweating a little bit ♥️♥️
I'm so sorry you've had to face such a devastating loss Jason. Thank you for sharing your insights with us.
Thank you Dr. Vicki
16 months - 16 years - Numbers
Now, nearly 19 years since my son's girlfriend died instantly and in collusion with a van/man (perhaps texting my son) it's 19 minutes, 19 days and 19 no time at all years ago.
A magnificent first/one of many helpful, brave essays (in the sense of 'essayer') @Jason - commanding huge respect. All love. CC
Thank you Cherry ♥️♥️
Brave of you - xx
Beautiful. You are creating positive ripple effects, Jason ❤️
Thank you friend. I'm doing my best to make to turn this pain into a sense of purpose ♥️
Thank you
Thank you so much for reading. ♥️♥️
My heart breaks for you, the grief you have gone through is more than anyone should have to endure... losing her mum to suicide, then knowing Chloe was not okay and not being able to help her. Then having to wrestle other people's judgement alongside the guilt you must have felt as a parent and a human is devestating.
In counselling we call this disenfranchised grief. It's the grief people feel when they can't openly express how they feel and get the support other people get due to the circumstances.
My best friend was killed by a train when we were celebrating my nineteenth birthday. We had all had a few drinks and had taken some acid. It was the beginning of the night and we weren't really very effected but she climbed onto the train tracks - she often took risks. She had a tendency to self harm. On the surface she seemed happy but deep down she wasn't. I think she didn't really value her life. It was difficult to let go of the grief because of the shame. It's taken decades to work through those feelings. Sending healing to you. Life is hard and unhealed trauma can cause people to make wreckless decisions in the moment that have far reaching consequences. 💜
One of the reasons I write is because it creates an opportunity for wonderful people like you to share stories with me (and others) that I wouldn't have ever heard otherwise.
That must have been such a horrific experience for everyone involved.
Would it be too much to ask what causes such a deep sense of shame for you?
It began with a lack of attunement from my mother through her own trauma, it was compounded by childhood SA and my mother choosing to remain in a relationship with the perpetrator, it was further compounded by a diagnosis of ADHD. You might like to follow me, I write about this stuff through the lens of being a therapist now. 😊
My goodness… what a powerful and heartbreaking read. Thank you for your bravery in sharing these painful truths about your daughter. I’m so sorry for all you have endured—and continue to endure. The weight of that burden must be immeasurable. My deepest sympathy is with everyone affected, including your daughter… She still matters 🤍
Thank you. You just made me cry and I'm grateful for your kindness and compassion ♥️
I have no words, just a wide open heart and my soul is weeping.
Thank you Ute ♥️
Thank you for having the courage to say “Chloe’s actions were her responsibility”. There is a whole world of people out there who cannot bring themselves to acknowledge that we all are responsible for our choices, good and bad. I am amazed how you and your other daughter have come through this all and wish you the best on the way forward.
Thank you friend. I've really wrestled with the difference between blame and responsibility. It's something I plan to write about in the very near future. ♥️♥️
Thank you for sharing this very sad story. I appreciated your desire to remind others why every choice matters, and to simply tell this story. I can only imagine how hard this would be. It brings up two memories for me. A friend of mine lost her sister in a tragic accident when someone passing another car hit their car. What was also so tough was that I knew the young man driving the car that passed in a dangerous place and caused the accident. He wasn't drinking or anything. He simply made a poor judgement call, and someone lost her life as a result. I know this has impacted the lives of all who survived, and it's tragic.
Then in college, one of my closest friends, Patrick J Maloney was driving a friend's car back from Washington to Oregon. A drunk driver flew across the freeway median and hit him, taking his life. I don't remember if the drunk driver died, but I don't think they did. Patrick was studying medicine. He had such a beautiful heart and he had a bright future. He loved serving others and he would have been an incredibly compassionate doctor. Losing him was one of the most painful losses in my life. When I meet people who talk about driving drunk or under the influence, I want them to know that they could kill someone if they haven't already. But I appreciate your point that your daughter wasn't coping with the death of her mom, and I feel compassion for you and for her. I am sorry for your losses, and recognize that perhaps someone reading your story will make a better choice. Grateful that you're willing to share this story in the hope that someone will live a better story.
Thank you Susan and thank you for sharing a little about Patrick with us. You honouring his memory by sharing his story might save someone's life ♥️
Thank you. I pray people will hand over the keys and never risk their own lives and the lives of others if they are impaired.
I knew your daughter had died but didn’t know how. Gosh, that’s hard.
Thank you Donna ♥️
Thank you. Thank you for taking the horror of this life circumstance, and choosing to use it to make a difference. So much courage, but also I know it’s helpful and such an honor to your daughters life. Much peace to you.
Thank you Thea ♥️♥️