Read This First

This is for men dealing with a huge loss.

This space is for men who’ve been hit by a huge loss and are still expecting themselves to keep going like nothing really changed.

You’re still getting up. Still working. Still handling your responsibilities.

So from the outside, it looks like you’re fine.

But shit doesn’t work the same way anymore. We push anyway. And it costs us.

Most men aren’t told what this actually does to you. You’re told to stay strong. Keep it together. Don’t make your problems someone else’s.

So when your head isn’t as sharp, your patience is gone, or everything takes more effort than it used to, you don’t stop to ask why. You just take the blame.

So you push harder. You shut up. You stop explaining. What’s the point?

Who the hell would understand anyway?

We’re not going to dump this on the people who already need us to be their rock.

And when that doesn’t work, we put up walls and suffer in silence.

A lot of what gets called burnout, anger, checking out, or screwing things up isn’t weakness. It’s what happens when a devastating loss kneecaps a man and he and keeps pretending it didn’t.

Unexpected Ways Grief Shows Up For Men

Not understanding it has wrecked far too many of us, and caused us to harm the people we love.

Here are some counterintuitive grief shows up for us:

• Becoming more decisive and less wise at the same time (it’s a great combination)

• Ruining anniversaries/milestones ahead of time so at least you get to control the pain when everything else feels uncontrollable.

• Becoming hyper-competent and productive in one area while falling apart in others

• Being more patient with strangers than with your own family.

• Feeling pissed off, tired, and off your game for days then realizing it was grief all along when the sadness crushes you.

If this sounds familiar, nothing is “wrong” with you.

But you are responsible for understanding it, so it doesn’t cost you your work, health and the people you love.

It’s Not Just About Death

Death is one way this happens. It’s not the only way.

When work screws you over. When the marriage changes or falls apart. When the plan you were working toward goes up in flames. When the people you counted on aren’t there anymore.

Life keeps moving. There’s no point in crying about what can’t be changed. So you knuckle down and deal with what’s in front of you. You do whatever it takes to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

This work exists to call that out.

It’s not to fix you or give you a pep talk.

It’s to lay things out clearly, help you stop lying to yourself and give you practical ways to handle what you’re actually dealing with.

You don’t need to read everything. You don’t need to agree with everything.

If it pisses you off, leave a comment and say so.

If something here hits home for you, or makes sense of a man you care about, it’s doing its job.

I put together a short, free guide called 10 Realities Men Run Into After Loss (And No One Warns Them About).

It explains why everything feels harder than it should — and how to deal with it without making things worse.

Grab it if you want it.

And if you’re someone who loves a grieving man, I’ve put together a short course that will help you love him when it’s hardest for him to love himself.