"Logic is black and white and male, while emotions are messy and female."
Sorry, NO. This incorrect and insulting to both men and women. If that was true the prison population wouldn't be 90% male. Men have emotions but The only emotion they are allowed to express is rage. They're just shamed for fully expressing them. Emotions are HUMAN.
As a side note, the title of this article reminded me of an incident back in the summer of 2022 when my older sister in her 60's was talking to her husband (again) about committing suicide. He was at his wit's end trying to 'fix' her and asked me to come and spend time with her, which of course I did.
Shortly after I arrived there, we sat down and I started talking to her. As we began our conversation he started to interject with all the things he was doing to 'support' her but he was trying to convince me that he was being the reasonable one. He was speaking about her as if she wasn't even there. It was disturbing to say the least and I pointed it out to him.
He's a genuinely good guy and means well but he comes from a British background and feeling words just aren't in his vocabulary. He reminds me of a boy sometimes. They have no children. My sister and I come from a severely disturbed family (our father tried to kill her when she was a toddler and molested me as an adolescent). While it's obvious that he loves her, he cannot seem to help himself when it comes to constantly correcting her. Her self-esteem is in the toilet. Except when she's doing her volunteer work. There, she is much loved and respected.
I ache for her because he provides for her in so many beautiful ways except the way that she needs - by being vulnerable and letting her know she doesn't have to live up to his expectations. He rides in on his white horse to rescue her and makes her feel small and helpless. It's all so sad how men and women seem to speak totally different love languages.
Your work is so incredibly important Jason. Women WANT to be connected and intimate with men, but men resent being asked to change. After 19 years of marriage, it took my husband attempting to choke me to silence me from calling him out about his abusive behaviour to my children. As you know, women are now just walking away.
Thank you Jason, I have a soulmate friend going through something very hard right now and I needed this sound advice today. I love order but it isn't healing to impart that love to somebody who is suffering. You really helped me be a better kinder friend to her today. Thank you. <3
Loving order is not a flaw. It’s a strength. It’s just not always the medicine someone needs in the moment.
The fact that you paused long enough to notice that and choose a different response tells me your friend is lucky to have you. Although I already knew that from all the other lovely comments you've made.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is resist the urge to straighten up the room and just sit on the floor in the mess with them. ❤️
I have people in my life who are fucking brilliant at sorting things, fixing things, taking chaos to order and so badly need to read this Jason. Myself too sometimes. Its a hard learning when soneone is in the pit that they need us to sit in the pit with them first, even though we think we see the rope ladder. Thank you.
This is very, very good. Thank you!
You’re so welcome Jackie. Thanks for reading and for your encouragement. I appreciate it!
"Logic is black and white and male, while emotions are messy and female."
Sorry, NO. This incorrect and insulting to both men and women. If that was true the prison population wouldn't be 90% male. Men have emotions but The only emotion they are allowed to express is rage. They're just shamed for fully expressing them. Emotions are HUMAN.
Of course it’s incorrect.
I was saying that’s how men often look at logic versus emotion. Not that that’s how I look at it or how it should be looked at.
Although, I certainly used to see things that way. Partially because my dad drilled it into me over and over.
Thanks for clarifying. I appreciate your posts very much, Jason.
Thanks for bringing up something that rubbed you the wrong way. I love that you did. And thank you for your encouragement and support ❤️
As a side note, the title of this article reminded me of an incident back in the summer of 2022 when my older sister in her 60's was talking to her husband (again) about committing suicide. He was at his wit's end trying to 'fix' her and asked me to come and spend time with her, which of course I did.
Shortly after I arrived there, we sat down and I started talking to her. As we began our conversation he started to interject with all the things he was doing to 'support' her but he was trying to convince me that he was being the reasonable one. He was speaking about her as if she wasn't even there. It was disturbing to say the least and I pointed it out to him.
He's a genuinely good guy and means well but he comes from a British background and feeling words just aren't in his vocabulary. He reminds me of a boy sometimes. They have no children. My sister and I come from a severely disturbed family (our father tried to kill her when she was a toddler and molested me as an adolescent). While it's obvious that he loves her, he cannot seem to help himself when it comes to constantly correcting her. Her self-esteem is in the toilet. Except when she's doing her volunteer work. There, she is much loved and respected.
I ache for her because he provides for her in so many beautiful ways except the way that she needs - by being vulnerable and letting her know she doesn't have to live up to his expectations. He rides in on his white horse to rescue her and makes her feel small and helpless. It's all so sad how men and women seem to speak totally different love languages.
Your work is so incredibly important Jason. Women WANT to be connected and intimate with men, but men resent being asked to change. After 19 years of marriage, it took my husband attempting to choke me to silence me from calling him out about his abusive behaviour to my children. As you know, women are now just walking away.
Thank you Jason, I have a soulmate friend going through something very hard right now and I needed this sound advice today. I love order but it isn't healing to impart that love to somebody who is suffering. You really helped me be a better kinder friend to her today. Thank you. <3
That means a lot. Thank you Stephanie.
Loving order is not a flaw. It’s a strength. It’s just not always the medicine someone needs in the moment.
The fact that you paused long enough to notice that and choose a different response tells me your friend is lucky to have you. Although I already knew that from all the other lovely comments you've made.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is resist the urge to straighten up the room and just sit on the floor in the mess with them. ❤️
Deeply touching and meaningful. Thank you again Jason.
"If competence and usefulness feel like manhood, helplessness feels like failure." This is all so good.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Erin ❤️
I have people in my life who are fucking brilliant at sorting things, fixing things, taking chaos to order and so badly need to read this Jason. Myself too sometimes. Its a hard learning when soneone is in the pit that they need us to sit in the pit with them first, even though we think we see the rope ladder. Thank you.
That’s exactly it.
The rope ladder can be a lifesaver at the right moment. It just doesn’t help if we throw it down before you climb into the pit with them.
I think brilliance at sorting and fixing is a gift. It becomes a problem only when we use it to avoid sitting in the mess with someone.
I think the fact that you can see that in yourself speaks to the work you've done and the kind of friend you are.
Thanks for being here, Davina. I always appreciate your thoughtful comments ❤️
"When someone is upset, they don’t need order. They need to know you’re actually trying to understand them"....
Full stop.
Teach men this ONE fact... change the world.
Helping them learn to recognize and deal with their own emotions... ... 🫨
I totally agree. Thanks so much for reading and adding your voice to the conversation, friend. ❤️