It strikes me that so many would hand-wave this as patriarchal behavior. I could make a case for how it arises from that, sure, but there's something more acute happening here for this man that cares little about legacy systems. That's what's worth our attention right now. This is where we can make a change.
This phenomenon is real, and it isn't limited to the loss of a child: it is nearly ubiquitous among men and how they deal with loss. It could be about losing a parent, a wife, or a beloved dog. A job.
A career. A home. An identity. An ecosystem. A belief in God. A country. A dream.
Grief and loss are inevitable in this life; we all know this.
But how we grieve is personal, and a lot of that involves how we learned (or didn't) from those who modeled it for us. Women tend to huddle together, while men choose to shut down and wander alone.
The inability (or refusal) to process grief begins as a cage and becomes a fortress.
Being left alone to cope with grief is destabilizing and devastating.
It's a cruel reality. And it shouldn't have to be.
In this case I was making the point in the context of losing a child, but as you say, with any loss there's grief. And too many men tend to deal with grief exactly as you describe.
And the consequences for the people around them can be devastating.
Thanks for reading and adding your voice to this important conversation!
I haven't lost a child, but this is so much on point. I only learned to be vulnerable after I lost my wife. I think you are saving marriages with this article Jason. I appreciate you!
Thank you my friend. It was the death of my first wife that ultimately (5 years later) taught me that I needed to be vulnerable. It's been one of the greatest gifts that's come from her death.
I'm so sorry you lost your wife. Can I ask you her name and a few things you love about her?
It strikes me that so many would hand-wave this as patriarchal behavior. I could make a case for how it arises from that, sure, but there's something more acute happening here for this man that cares little about legacy systems. That's what's worth our attention right now. This is where we can make a change.
This phenomenon is real, and it isn't limited to the loss of a child: it is nearly ubiquitous among men and how they deal with loss. It could be about losing a parent, a wife, or a beloved dog. A job.
A career. A home. An identity. An ecosystem. A belief in God. A country. A dream.
Grief and loss are inevitable in this life; we all know this.
But how we grieve is personal, and a lot of that involves how we learned (or didn't) from those who modeled it for us. Women tend to huddle together, while men choose to shut down and wander alone.
The inability (or refusal) to process grief begins as a cage and becomes a fortress.
Being left alone to cope with grief is destabilizing and devastating.
It's a cruel reality. And it shouldn't have to be.
You're absolutely right Daphne.
In this case I was making the point in the context of losing a child, but as you say, with any loss there's grief. And too many men tend to deal with grief exactly as you describe.
And the consequences for the people around them can be devastating.
Thanks for reading and adding your voice to this important conversation!
I haven't lost a child, but this is so much on point. I only learned to be vulnerable after I lost my wife. I think you are saving marriages with this article Jason. I appreciate you!
Thank you my friend. It was the death of my first wife that ultimately (5 years later) taught me that I needed to be vulnerable. It's been one of the greatest gifts that's come from her death.
I'm so sorry you lost your wife. Can I ask you her name and a few things you love about her?
Thank you so much for this, Jason
You’re so welcome my friend !