The Most Misunderstood Relationship Skill (In Life and Leadership)

Seeing blind spots, standing together, and becoming who we’re meant to be.

Next week will be 15 years since my first wife Cindy died by suicide.

That it's been that long seems impossible to believe. But here we are.

I've been thinking a lot about accountability lately for a few reasons.

The first, is that every single leader I coach with wants to get better at it.

The second, and most important, is the role it's played in my healing from Cindy and my daughter Chloe's deaths.

I think too many people think of accountability as something punitive when someone doesn't do what they say they'll do.

What if it could be so much more than that?

What if it could be a gift we give to one another, regardless of where we fall on the org chart?

What it could be a recognition that part of the human condition is having blind spots and that we need the support of the people around us to be our best.

After Cindy died, I spent almost 5 years drinking heavily every day. I've been alcohol free for 11 years this year.

Since Chloe died, I've found myself turning to smoking pot at the times where I just couldn't take the pain any more. Thankfully, I've been sober the vast majority of the time and am now. I will continue to be.

And one of the most important pillars that's helping me heal, and face what needs to be faced is accountability.

The person who has been my most trusted accountability partner is my wife Tanja Rohn-MacKenzie.

She sees the things that my blind spots make it hard for me to see.

When she seems me overworking, she points it out because she knows I'm distracting myself and at risk of emptying my tank.

When she sees me shutting down or wanting to isolate, she calls me forward in a way that reminds me how loved and needed I am.

When she sees me wanting to skip talking to my therapist because of sick of it all, she helps me see that it's about a lot more than just me.

And no, it's not always easy for me to hear. But it's always necessary and a cherished gift from her to me.

Accountability isn’t about catching failures - it’s about calling each other forward.

It’s the gift of seeing someone’s blind spots and standing with them as they step into who they’re capable of becoming.

If we can shift the way we see accountability, we can turn it into something that strengthens trust, deepens relationships, and makes us all better.

Who in your life, at work or at home, might need that gift from you?

(and Tanja, thank you for everything ♥️)

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If you’ve read this far, you already know accountability isn’t punishment—it’s a gift. It’s what calls us forward, helps us see our blind spots, and keeps us from drifting into habits that don’t serve us.

You’ve also seen what happens without it. So what’s stopping you?

Maybe you think it’s criticism, not care. Maybe you’re afraid of discomfort. Maybe you tell yourself you’ll figure it out alone.

But if that worked, wouldn’t it have worked by now?

Real accountability builds trust, strengthens relationships, and creates real change.

Are you ready to give that gift? Why not have help?

The Difficult Conversations Coach will help you:

• Get clear on what you need to say—before you say it.

• Avoid the traps that make them shut down, push back, or get defensive.

• Speak in a way that actually gets through—without making things worse.

$7. Less than the cost of a drink.

More valuable than the cost of a relationship.

You could keep winging it and hope for the best. Or you could get the guidance you need—right now.

Click below to get started. Because the longer you wait, the harder this gets.